Beka talked like an alien, and it was BRILLIANT (starletfallen) wrote,
Beka talked like an alien, and it was BRILLIANT

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The darkness

On January 5th, a Princeton grad student named Bill Zeller killed himself. Before he did, he wrote a suicide note that was about 4,000 words long, posted it to his website, and emailed it to his friends.

Here is the note (Warning: discussion of depression, suicide, and rape)

I just... I don't know. I keep seeing people say "I wish he'd told someone instead of killing himself. I wish he'd gotten help. Suicide is never the answer." I don't know that I entirely agree. If you don't read the note, he talks near the end about why he never got professional help, why he didn't ever tell anyone. And his despair was so profound that... I can't even describe how it's making me feel right now, having read his very eloquent note.

People say suicide is selfish. I think it's selfish to ask people to continue living painful and miserable lives, just so you possibly won't feel sad for a week or two. Suicide may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but it's also a permanent solution to a ~23 year-old problem that grows more intense and overwhelming every day.

I... have to agree. With his own reasoning, and with the concept of... sometimes it's just selfish and cruel to expect someone to live with the despair they endure. It's a much rarer case than the actual suicide rate, but sometimes... sometimes it's horribly cruel of us to ask, expect, GUILT a person into living.

Along with that, I believe everyone has the right to take their own life, should they so choose. I think most of the time, it's a bad idea, I think most of the time it's something that is rash and not the best solution... but then someone like Bill Zeller comes along, and I just nod sadly and say gods-speed.

I hope there is an afterlife where he can be whole, and at peace. Gods-speed, Bill Zeller. I never knew you, but I hope and pray that wherever you are now, you can smile, and mean it.

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Tags: *bipolar, depression, late nights and lonely hearts
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